"YOU GOT ME TICKETS TO IRON MADIEN??!?!?!" Ray jumped up and down in excitment. Gerard had just surprised Ray with two backstage tickets to see his favorite band. "WHY GEE WHY DID YA DO IT???" Ray's eyes were gleaming and he was clearly overjoyed. "It's.....our 6 month anniversary Ray..." Gerard eyes got wide. "you forgot" he sat down on the couch and pulled his knees into his chest. "you forgot" he said the words over and over. More to himself then Ray.
"I....I didn't forget Gee" Ray lied. He pulled Gerard into a tight hug. "I just....didn't expect you to do anything this big. thats all" Gerard shot up with excitment. "So what did you get me????" he batted his eyes wildly at Ray. "I got you a 40 minute ride on the Raymobile" he said winking at Gerard. Gerard giggled. Then stopped suddenly. "THATS IT?"
"What do you mean thats it?! You don't wanna ride the Ray mobile????" Gerard sensed that he was hurt so he giggled again and jumped on Ray. "OF COURSE I WANNA RIDE YOUR 8 footer" he grinned and slapped Ray on the ass hard. Ray screamed, but in delight.
"No really babe, I got you something really special" He gave Gerard a tender kiss on the lips. He pulled away and Gerard moaned from the lack of contact.
"What is it?"
"It's a surprise"
"what's a surprise?" Mikey asked walking into the room. He was carring his guitar. Gerard watched him a moment then grabbed his guitar from him.
"GEE DONT! You don't know how to play.....you might fuck it up"
Gerard strummed on it for a moment then looked back up at Mikey. "I just wanted to be sure this thing wasn't glued to your hip. you carry it around like you gave birth to it for Christ Sake"
Mikey snatched back the guitar. "Without it...nobody knows who I am"
Ray and Gerard both shook their heads agreeing with Mikey.
"Mikey.....Gerard got me tickets to Iron Maiden!!!" he flashed the tickets infront of Mikey's face. "I didnt even get to read them"
"I don't want you breathing on them and getting nasty Mikey germs all over them. these babies are getting framed after the concert" He held them like they would shatter into a million peices if they fell to the floor.
Ray put his tickets in a safe place in his room them set out to find Frank.
After searching all the other bands buses he realized he had a cell phone. Why not use it?
He pushed Frank's speed dial.
"What?"
"It's Ray. what's up?"
"I'm busy"
"....what? What are you busy with?"
"I'm sealing the deal here Ray give me a sec"
"Oh ok. call me back when your done"
Frank hung up and moved in closer to David.
"Sorry about that....just one of the guys calling about somethin useless and umimportant" he put his hand on the wall and leaned into David with a sexy grin. "so...have you eaten yet?"
David shook his head no and continued to study Frankie.
"how about we go get something to eat?" David grinned and slid down the wall to a sitting position. Frank did the same.
"cool"
Frankie gave David a sly grin and told him to meet him at the MCR bus at 6:00. He jogged all the way back to the bus up the stairs and straight into the shower. it was 5:30. David would be coming in a half hour and he smelled like shit.
He washed himself as fast as he could. He took a moment to examine Ray's new AXE bodywash. He picked up Gerard's pink loofa and squeezed some of the body wash onto it. "It smells great" he said to no one imparticular.
Suddenly the shower curtin ripped open. Frankie jumped and covered himself. "Is that my Body wash?! Awww FRANKIE! Dont touch my shit man! Is that Gerard's Loofa! Use your own crap man! come on!!"
Frankie rolled his eyes and started washing himself again. "Why didn't you call me back Frank?" Ray leaned against the bathroom wall, resting one foot on the side of the tub. "I was busy"
"Busy With WHAT?"
"I have a date ok?" Frankie snapped the shower curtin shut.
Ray pulled it back open again. "WITH WHO?"
"With David from Simple Plan" Frankie grinned a little.
"dude there bus just fuckin pulled in an hour ago. you already asked him out?"
"I'm a real go getter Ray" he splashed Ray a little with water playfully.
Ray squealed and covered himself with a towel. "you got water in my hair dickface!" Ray's hair was now standing on end.
"you look like you just got electricuted" Frankie grabbed the curtin and closed it once again.
"Stop closing it I'm trying to talk to you!" Ray pulled the curtin back open roughly.
"CANT YOU TALK TO ME WITHOUT LOOKING AT MY PENIS?!"
"NO! I like to see people when I'm talking to them. otherwise, I dont know if they are listening or not"
Frank rolled his eyes. {two can play at this game} he thought to himself.
He began to touch himself as Ray contined to talk. he slowly ran his hands down his chest and down his stomach....Rays eyes followed his every move.
"And....and ....I.....I need to get...........a ......get a present for......." Ray watched as Frankie started to slowly jerk himself off. He watched as he leaned against the wall and listened as he quietly moaned. "I....need your help ray..." Frankie said looking up with his big brown eyes. His hair was matted down to his face. he looked so innocent. Ray found himself wanting to get in the shower with Frankie. He had only been with Gerard...he was curious what it would be like with another man.
"Frank dont do this"
Ray pulled the curtin closed and walked out. He felt guilty because he almost gave in. But he felt good because he knew he did the right thing.
Suddenly there was a soft rap at the door. Gerard pulled it open. There stood the guys from Simple plan. well, two of them anyways. Gerard recognized Pierre. "Hey..."
Pierre gave Gerard a hug and patted him on the back. "So fuckin nice to meet you man. I love your band" Gerard pulled away and smiled. {this guy isn't so bad} he thought to himself.
Pierre looked around smiling. "Goin to dinner with us Gerard?"
Frankie stepped out wearing nothing but a pink towel wrapped around his waist. "Dude, I thought it was just David and I going to dinner" Pierre's smile slowly faded. Gerard could tell he was a little hurt.
"I guess you can go if you want...." Frankie hissed.
"NO NO....you guys go....its cool..." Pierre plastered a big fake ass smile on his face. "SEE? IM FINE"
"Aw come on Frank. I'll go too." Gerard nudged Frankie a little. Frank rolled his eyes but agreed.
Pierre jumped in the air and did a really lame attempt at Ray's headbang.
"What the fuck?" Ray stood there in the hall with his arms crossed just watching. "I know it sucks...I've been working on it though man!" He smiled another huge smile and walked over to ray and shook his hand. "I fuckin love you man. your such a good guitar player"
"You play guitar Pierre?" Ray asked.
"Well, I'm learning. I play a solo on our song Untitled."
"Wait wait wait, you play like one cord or something right? yeah I know that song....." Ray held in a giggle. But Pierre just smiled.
David still had not spoken a word. He stood in the corner with his arms by his sides. He wore all black, black dickies, a black see through long sleeve shirt with a black shirt with a misfits skull under it. He had on Pure black Converses and black eyeliner to top it all off.
Frankie thought he looked great. Ray did too.
"Nice kicks man" Ray said pointing to David's shoes. David smiled slightly and nodded. "Is this guy not allowed to talk or something?" Ray asked Pierre. Pierre walked over to David and pretended to stick his hand in his back like he was a dummy. "HELLO. MY NAME IS DAVID. I...PLAY GUITAR. I LIKE TO TALK" Pierre teased in his girliest voice.
Everyone laughed. Including David.. Ray figured he was use to Pierre's sense of humor.
"Let me grab my purse..." everyone looked at Gerard. "I...I mean my jacket" Gee looked down sadly at his feet and went to his room to get his jacket. He had wanted to take his purse so badly...but with the way everyone was gawking at him....he felt weird about it.
"is he gay?" pierre whispered to Ray.
"Do you think I'm gay?" ray whispered back
"no"
"well I am. and so is Gerard. We are dating actually" Ray whispered proudly.
Pierre smiled.
"thats really cool, congrats man. he's a good guy"
"I know and thank you"
"Ray?"
"yeah?"
"why are we whispering?"
Ray thought a moment. "I dont know"
Gerard pranced out into the living room. He hid his black purse under his jacket and took Ray's arm. "Baby, I'm going with Pierre, David and Frank to dinner. I'll be back later"
Ray's face dropped. "Oh....ok. I'll just warm up a tv dinner"
"No.....baby I have a great idea!! I'll bring you something back!" his eyes were dancing with excitment. the way they always did when he got a brilliant idea.
"ok."
"God Gerard......" Frankie shook his head. "Ray....here." Frankie handed him 10 dollars. "Order pizza bro"
Ray took the money and stuffed it into his pocket. "thanks"
they walked out as ray fell onto the couch. He pulled out a Sky blue and bit into it with avengence. He hated being left out like this...And he was half tempted to go tell Gerard off. But he couldn't....he knew Gee might take back the Iron Maiden tickets. Or it might mean no sex for a week. He'd much rather have the iron maiden tickets though. He took another bite. "Yeah definitely the tickets" he said aloud.
"HUH?"
"Oh hey Bob" Bob didn't respond. He just snatched up the tv remote from Ray's hand and sat down on the couch as far away from Ray as possible.
They sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Ray...we need to talk"
Bob turned to face Ray..his face was serious and determined. "Ray....I understand how you feel. Well...sorta. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I KNOW you ....like me. It's hard not to. I know this. I have that effect on people. I always have. I'm sorry buddy..I really am. But if you ever put your mouth anywhere near mine again...I'll have to introduce you to GOD."
He pounded his fist into his hand angerily.
Ray's eyes got big. "Bob....it's not like that man.....You know I love Gerard....I just....I wasn't on my meds and....things got out of hand."
Bob looked up shocked. 'you dont like me?"
"I like you man....just.....your my brother man. come on" Ray forced a smile
Bob did too. 'yeah, okay. I'm still dead sexy though"
"Of course!" Ray giggled.
"I wanna sit by the window!!!" Gerard pushed Pierre out of the way and practically flew into the booth. He grabbed Frankie and started to pull him down next to him but Frank pulled away. "I'm sitting by David" he hissed under his breath. "OH" Gerard stuck his nose up in the air and rolled his eyes "Fine"
Frank slid into the booth dangerously close to David. David still didn't say anything and he actually leaned into Frank slightly.
Pierre sat down next to Gerard and picked up his menu. "Wow they have milkshakes here" he pointed out all his favorite flavors.
"I really like strawberry"
"So?" Frankie crossed his arms. It was obivous he was more then pissed that the two had come along on his date.
"I'll have a rum and coke" Frankie told the waitress. He looked at David. David pointed to the drink he wanted on the menu. the waitress nodded and wrote it down. "I will need some id boys"
gerard rolled his eyes. "Like I havent heard that one before" he ripped open his purse and pulled out his drivers license. He slammed it down on the table. she looked at it quickly then looked again. "Is that you sir?"
"YES, I wasn't wearing eyeliner in that pic. I know, it's so bad" he grabbed the picture blushing.
She looked at Pierre next. "I don't need to show you mine. I'm not a drinker. I'd love a strawberry milkshake" He said smiling. then added a "PLEASE"
she checked Frankie and Davids Id. "sir, what drink would you like tonight?" she asked Gerard.
"Hmmmmmmm........Frank what are you having?"
"Rum & coke" he said flatly. he knew exactly where this was going.
"Hmmmmmmm.........what do I want? hmmmmmmmm.......maybe a peach wine cooler....yeah. NO.....hmmmmm.....I'll have.............hmmmmmmmm so many choices... hmm......"
"GERARD, ORDER" Frankie barked and kicked him under the table. "AHHHH!!!! DONT KICK ME!!!!!" gerard rubbed his leg. everyone around was staring at them. "He'll have what Im having" Frankie told the waitress. She nodded and walked away.
"YOUR SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS TO GO OUT WITH" frank was irrate. "I wanted to go out tonight with DAVID. AND ONLY DAVID. YOU totally fucked this up Gerard. Just like everything. you fuck everything up! YOUR JUST A FUCK UP I GUESS" Frank got up from the table and stormed off.
Pierre sat there with the same smile on his face. "They have bacon cheese burgers, I wonder if they'll let me order from the kiddie menu" his eyes lit up.
a tear slid down Gerards cheek. "I'm just a fuck up" he leaned his head against the cool window pane and watched the rain collect on the window. "I think your a really great person Gerard. dont let this get you down. you know what I do when I'm feeling down?"
"what"
"JUMP!!" Pierre shot up out of his seat and pointed to Gerard. "Do you ever feel like breaking down, do you ever feel out of place, like sometimes you just dont belong, and no one understands you?"
He started jumping up and down although this wasn't an upbeat song.
"Yeah know Gerard, I just wanna jump!"
"dont wanna think about tomorrow, JUMP! Don't wanna think about my sorrows!"
everyone was watching him now. the cook came out from the kitchen to see the kid who was making a fool of himself.
little kids were pointing and laughing at the silly boy jumping like a retard.
Suddenly Pierre pulled Gerard up out of the booth. "COME ON GERARD, give it a try! Jump with me!"
Gerard's cheeks were bright red. he hated people starring at him. and everyone was. He quickly pulled his shades down on his face and stood there feeling awkward. "JUMP!"
Pierre still continued to jump.
Gerard shot a glance at David. He just sat there biting on his straw. like this was an everyday occurance.
"PLEASE GERARD JUMP WITH ME!" Pierre took gerards hand and gerard finally gave in. they both started jumping up and down while pierre sang. frankie stood by the bathroom door watching. "I fucking hate my friends" he said to a waitress who passed him.
"everyone else in here does too"
Frankie made his way back over to the table and sat back down. Gerard and pierre finally did too. Gerard was out of breathe and giggling with Pierre. "that was so much fun!" he clapped his hands with excitment.
They ended up getting through the meal somehow and headed back to the bus. They had walked, the resturant was only a few blocks from the arena they were preforming at the next night. Gerard and Pierre walked side by side while David and Frank trailed behind. "So...I can't exactly say I had a good time.....but...It was fun hanging with you" Frankie looked at David. David playfully bumped his shoulder into Frankie's and grinned. "yeah me too"
"AND HE TALKS!!!!" Frankie shouted. David just smiled shoved him. Frankie shoved him back and they both started laughing.
Gerard looked back. "thats cute"
"I didn't even know that he was into guys" Pierre said with a wide smile.
"really? wow..."
"Actually I didnt think he was into girls or boys. I just....didnt really know. he's never had a relationship before, ever. I hope things work out with him and Frankie"
"umm......yeah hopefully" Gerard smiled weakly. he knew that Frankie only wanted sex. He had no intentions of persuing a relationship with David. He had a bad feeling that David was about to get real attached.
When they finally got back to the bus Pierre said good night to everyone and headed back to the Simple Plan bus. David stayed because Frankie had asked him to. They played Atari on the living room floor while Ray gave Gerard the cold shoulder. "Hey Ray Ray"
Gerard threw his arms around his boyfriends hard sexy body. But Ray didnt hug back. He felt very stiff. "whats wrong?" Gerard wrinkled his nose and pouted.
"you blew me off Gerard. You didn't even invite me" Ray's eyes started to water. but he was determined not to cry infront of gerard.
"Oh....I'm sorry Ray Ray....I forgot to bring you back food too. I just so much happened and then the jumping thing..." Gerard started.
Ray just sat there while Gerard rambbled on about Pierre and him jumping. Whatever that ment.
"Ray....I love you." Gerard took off his shades and looked into Ray's eyes. "your hurt. I can see it in your eyes" Gerard started to tear up. "I'm so sorry. I'm a fuck up. Frankie was right"
Gerard sadly got off the couch and walked to his room. this time, no dramatic door slamming. "What was he talking about Frankie?"
Frank ignored Ray and continued to play.
"FRANK IERO"
Ray sat down infront of the tv. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY" Frank tried to kick him with his foot but Ray just grabbed it.
"LET GO"
"Tell me what you said to my boyfriend"
"10 seconds ago you were pissed at him now your sticking up for him?! what the fuck?" Frankie pulled his foot away from ray
"I told him he was a fuck up. because he is" Frankie said coldly.
Ray fought back the urge to deck him in the face. instead he grabbed a knife from the kitchen and popped Frankie's beanbag chair that he was sitting in. "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!" all the beans started to pour out all over the floor of the bus.
Frankie shot up and grabbed the knife from Ray. "FUCK YOU!" he pointed it at Ray. "FUCK YOU"
then slammed it down on the counter. He stormed outside and sat down on the porch of the bus.
Ray stood there a moment trying to take everything in. David stood up and pulled out a cigarette from his back pocket. He shot Ray a blank look and headed outside with Frankie.
Ray shook his head and went to find Gerard.
Ray went to Gerard's room. He just walked in and saw Gerard in his misfits curled up in a blanket. Ray sat next to Gerard and hugged him. Gerard looked up at Ray with sad eyes.
"I thought you were upset at me?" He whipered sadly
"No..." Ray kissed him on the head "I'm not upset i was being a baby. YOu don't have to take everywhere you go Gee."
"I fucked up."
"NO you didn't....fuck Frank....he gives bad advice anyway. Gerard, you aren't a fuck up." Ray stroked Gerard's hair. Gerard cuddled next to him. Ray smiled and looked into his sad brown eyes.
"I hate when i hurt you...i don't mean to"
Ray grinned "I'm fuckin a pussy i have to toungin up."
"Did Katrina tell you that?"
"The one and only."
Gerard kissed him "You're so sweet to me Ray Ray...even when i'm a bitch."
Ray nodded "I know and love yah for it."
Ray's phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hey Fraggle Rock."
"Sup Richie..."
"I was wondering when you were coming back...Mom wants to see you,"
"In a couple of days Richie."
"Okay man...."
"How is she?"
"Weaker, but still smiling."
Ray felt tears swell up in his eyes "How much weaker?"
"She finds hard to talk some times. and she needs help holding things," Richie noticed the silence and new his brother was crying silently "Ray..you can't do anything but pry and hope."
"PRAY!!!" Ray suddely shouted. Gerard jumped back "I'VE DONE THAT AND SHE IS STILL DYING!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOD DOING? NOTHIHNG...WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THE LIFE OF A WONDERFUL WOMAN LIKE MOM! SHE'S ONLY 52 WHY? AND HOPE THERE IS NO FUCKIN HOPE LEFT.....I HOPED THE TEST WERE WRONG I HOPED THAT IT ALL A FUCKING NIGHTMARE AND THEY ALL TURNED OUT THE SAME WAY....ITS REAL...MOMS DYING AND GOD ISN'T GOING TO SAVE HER RICHARD....NOITHING IS GOING TO SAVE MOM IN LESS THEN 3 MONTHS SHE WILL BE DEAD....AND WHY? BEACUSE GOD THINKS ITS HER TIME TO GO..WELL I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY TO GOD. FUCK OFF I FUCKIN HATE YOU!!!!!" Ray threw the phone across the room, he picked up Gerard's i pod and threw it breaking a window. Gerard looked truly scared he curled up in a tiny ball "FUCK YOU!" Ray screamed again before crummbling to the floor in a puddle of tears. Gerard slowly got out of his bed and walked over to his trembling and crying boyfriend. Gerard warped his amrs around Ray's body.
"Baby...." Gerard spoke queitly into Ray's ear "It's okay...Its okay..."
Ray didn't look at Gerard he just sat there shaking while tears streamed down his face. His eyes were red. He knew it was from the crying but his eyes also told Gerard that he was a mess. Gerard faced Ray and hugged him. Ray cried on his shoulder.
"Why does this happen to me?" Ray sobbed
"What?"
"Everybody i love leaves me....everybody always does, first my grandpa, then Alexis and David and now my Mom...why? i am being punished for being gay?" Ray looked up from Gerard's shoulder. His big brown sad eyes starting into Gerard's.
Gerard didn't know how to answer that. he wasn't a relgious person but he knew Ray needed support and love.
"I haven't left." Gerard whipered sadly his eyes now peircing into Ray's
Ray fell back into Gerard's shoulder and cried more "Would you ever leave me? I don't think i could live without Gee,"
Gerard felt tears swelling in his eyes. "Never Ray...i would never put you through more heartbreak." A few tears escaped his eyes.
"I love you so much Gerard......i will never stop loving you..no matter what." Ray looked up at Gerard. His eyes were sad..depperesed in fact they almost looked sudical. Gerard lost it he broke down in tears "I'll always love you Be...Ray.."
Ray looked up at Gerard again "You were going to say Bert..weren't you." His sad eyes got a little dark "Why would you say his name? Why?" He pushed Gerard away roughly and ran out of his room.
"RAY!" Gerard cried. He ran after him and found Ray thashing the bus "STOP RAY! I SAID YOU'RE NAME BEACUSE I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU RAY!"
Ray fell to the floor. "I'm so sorry Gerard....I'M SO SORRY! I'm putting you through so much shit and its not even you're promblem.......It's not even your promeblem!"
Gerard ran over to Ray and hugged him, pulled him in his lap and rocked him, he rubbed Ray's back till he fell into a restless sleep.
That night Ray laid awake watching Gerard sleep. He knew Gerard needed him...but his mom needed him more right now. He quickly and quietly got up and dressed, he scribbled down a quick note to Gerard and the guys then headed for the airport.
Gerard awoke, streching his arms reaching his left one out to touch Ray. But to his surprise Ray wasn't in bed. Gerard yawned again and got up. He passed Frankie in the hall, "Where's Ray?"
"Didn't you get his note Gee? He went back to Jersey. His mom is doing worse" Frankie gave Gerard a quick hug. "I know you miss him when he's gone Gee but his mom needs him. He has 3 more months with her and he has a whole lifetime with you, just remember that" he gave Gerard a kiss on the head then made his way to Mikey's room to get him up for sound check. Gerard lifelessly made his way though the rest of the day. He felt dead inside with Ray by his side. And even when he was on stage preforming infront of a huge crowd of people chanting his name...he still somehow felt alone.
On the third day, Gerard was still Rayless and was about to exceed his breaking point. He cried all day, alone in his room and drew pictures of himself as a superhero. He had just finished saving a little girl from 3 evil monsters. This was an exciting day, or should have been. Gerard had just completed his comic. But still, he felt completely and utterly depressed. He softly closed the cover of his notebook and got up. He was on a mission now. He had been down the path of self distruction before...and he was about to take that road once again. He headed over to the Used Bus, with a black hoodie pulled tightly over his head and his black shades on he slipped inside the door.
Gerard slowly and quietly made his way to Quinn's bunk. Quinn was asleep on his stomach drooling heavily on his bright purple pillow case. He shook him gently, being quiet...he didn't want anyone else to see him there. Just Quinn.
"hmmmmmmm whaaatttt geeee?" Quinn rolled over facing the wall. It was obivous to Gerard that he was more then annoyed being shook awake.
"Quinn.....can you do something for me???"
"mmmmmm geeee Bert will. im too tireddddd" He pulled his pillow over his ears trying to block out Gerard's voice.
"no no not like that. I....I need some Quinn...can you get some from Bert's room for me? I...I dont want to ask him for it, I don't want anyone to know..and dude im fucking trusting you not to tell anyone"
Quinn pulled the pillow off his head slowly. his hair was sticking out in all directions. A grin grew widely across his face.
"What do you want?"
"Coke.. I know Bert has some. I also know that rehab didn't do shit for him" Quinn nodded his head smiling. And even though he was smiling Gerard could have sworn he saw a hint of sadness in his eyes.
"hold on. I'll go check and see what he has. Wait here Gee" He crawled out of bed groaning. Gerard grinned a little as he walked down to Bert's bunk in only his Batman boxers.
moments later he returned with a small bag. "Here, be careful Gee. We care about ya you know." Gerard tried to take the bag but Quinn was still holding onto it. "I mean it Gerard... this is just for kicks right? Just for a good time?"
"Yeah. I just wanna party a bit." he winked at Quinn. Quinn nodded his head but didnt smile. Gerard gave him a kiss on the cheek and snuck back out the bus. He knew he had to be careful where he hid it. If Ray found it.....He'd fuckin beat him. and he knew it.
He sniffed a little then laid back on his bed, waiting for the high.
About two hours later he heard Mikey crawl into bed with him. Gerard was almost completely out of it. He wasn't really all there but he knew it was Mikey. He could tell by his steady wheezing and the feel of his body next to his. It was cold and boney.
"gerard? are you......"
"Yes"
There was a long silence and Gerard felt Mikey cling to him. He felt somewhat better and drifted into a deep sleep, secretly hoping not to wake up.
"Mom... how are you feeling today?" Ray smiled warmly at her, He hoped she couldn't see the fear in his eyes. "I feel really Good today Ray" she lied. She turned over on her side slowly to face her youngest son. "Baby I love you so much. I want you to be with your band. I don't need you sitting here by my bedside...waiting for me to..."
"DONT!"
Ray started to shake and tears filled his eyes "DONT SAY IT. DONT FUCKIN SAY IT MOM!" His heart started beating fast and loud. He couldn't even hear himself think.
She pulled Ray into her and let him cry. She stroked his hair gently and promised him everything would be okay.
After awhile his mom fell asleep. Ray watched her sleep for awhile, then Richard came to pick him up. "We need to get you something to eat Fraggle. You look skinny"
"I'd wrestle with you bro but I'm afraid I'd break you" He said it laughing. But Ray knew he ment every word. He was worrying his family. He didn't have an eating disorder but he couldn't eat lately. He felt sick everytime he tried.
Richard took him to Denny's and ordered for him. "I'll have the #3 with scrambled eggs and My little brother here wants the Big Barn Buster Platter"
The woman grinned at Ray. And Ray blushed. "thats an awful lot of food. Let me know if you need a to go box"
"Why did you order me the big barn buster platter. you know I cant eat all that!" Ray yelled but lowered his voice when he noticed a family in the corner starring at them.
"you need food Ray....I'm worried"
The last band on the tour had just finished playing and everyone was gathering their guitar cases and gig bags. Frankie saw David sitting against a wall behind the stage zipping his guitar case closed. Frank made his way over to him and playfully kicked his shoe. Hey Moter mouth!" David's eyes lit up when he saw it was Frank. "Hey you"... "Do you want to come over and hang on our bus tonight?" Frankie grinned at the smaller boy. He grinned back. "Yeah sure, sounds like fun" He held David's guitar for him as he got up.
"I'm gonna just go drop my guitar off on the bus then I'll find you ok?"
Pierre came running up waving at the two. "no no, you go with Frank. I'll take it back for you dave" David gave him a half hug and a "thanks bro" and Frank and David were off to the MCR bus.
They walked in silence for a few moments. "you like it hard?" Frankie asked with a devilish grin on his face. David looked a little shocked but he still grinned behind his shaggy hair. "I dont know.....what are we talking about?"
Frankie laughed a little. "do you like your liqour hard?"
"Ohhhhhh. um, I dont really know. I've only ever had beer" Frank smiled. "thats cute"
"what's cute?" david asked.
"that you've only had beer"
"why is that so cute?"
"it's just innocent I guess. I like that in a guy." he gently shoved David with his left hand.
They walked in silence for a few more minutes.
"Do you?" David finally asked.
"do I.......what?"
"Do you like it......hard?" David was blushing furiously. "Alcohol I mean."
"What else would you mean David?" Frank asked innocently.
"I dont know......"
"Yes you do.."
"I guess sex. But I wasnt talking about that" his face was still beat red. Frank thought it was cute.
"I like rough sex David"
David's eyes practically popped out of his head. "Ya?" he was at a loss for words. "Ya" was all he could get out. He mentally kicked himself for sounding so lame.
"I'm kidding.... or am I?....." Frank grinned then his face became completely serious.
David was confused. "...so which one?" he asked curiously.
Frankie shrugged his shoulders. "Aw who knows David. Who knows."
The whole night David could only think about Frankie. And how freaky he was in bed. He was so mysterious and David was completely and utterly into him.
When Frank went over to the used bus to grab some drinks David took the opportunity to talk to Mikey.
"Hey Mike...I got a question for ya."
Mikey put his crossword puzzle aside and adjusted his black framed glasses. "ok shoot"
"ok it's like this....." David took a deep breath.
"I'm kind of crushing on Frankie... I was just wondering if you could tell me anything that I dont know about him. Or anything that I should know about him. know what I mean?"
Mikey smiled slightly. "Why Frank?"
"He's really hot...and he's fun to be around. I dont know. I just like him"
Mikey sighed. "well....I don't want to discourage you but..."
"MIKEY! SHUT your dumb fucking mouth before I smack it!" Gerard walked in with his hands on his hips. "Davie babe, come in my room a sec"
David looked confused but followed Gerard into his room. Gerard shut the door behind them and sat down in his desk chair while David sat awkwardly on his bed.
"Frankie....is a GOD." his eyes were practically glowing.
"how so?"
"You know......."
David blushed. "He's a good guy David. You can ask me anything you want to know. I know just about everything there is to know about him. from the color of his toothbrush to the way he fucks"
Davids eyes shot up. "Oh... well since were on the topic...." He looked down at his shoes and twittled his thumbs.
"Does he...like it hard?"
"Ummmmmmmm Depends on who he's with. If he's really into the guy then he'll want it more sensual and romantic. But if he's really turned on by the guy and wants to fuck his brains out, he does"
"Ohhh..."
"his toothbrush is green" Gerard added just because.
"What was Mikey gonna tell me....he said he didnt want to discourage me...."
"Mikey is a dumbass. He talks out of his ass most the time." Gerard rolled his eyes. "Has frank made a move on you yet??"
Gerard tossed his hair out if his eyes as he waited for David to respond.
"how will I know if he makes a move on me?"
"He'll start touching you a lot. Not like your dick or anything. but like, your arm or if your walking side by side and your both going through a door he'll out his hand on the small of your back and he'll let you walk in first. It's really cute how he does that. Ray Ray does that to me too. I love it. Oh ya. he might stick his hand in the back pocket of your jeans or something. But that's just flirting. He likes to play Mind games...but it's all for fun, so dont get scared. He wont move in too fast...he'll respect your boundaries"
David nodded taking this all in.
"DAVID???" Frank suddenly busted through the door "Gerard! He's MY date man. come on" Frankie winked at Gerard playfully. Gerard winked back and Frankie knew he had this in the bag now.
David walked back to the living room while Frankie whispered a "thanks man I owe you" into Gee's ear.
Mikey sat in the living room looking like death. "whats wrong with you?" Frank threw a beer at him. He caught it then dropped it. "you guys really suck." he shook his head.
David again looked confused but remained silent. "Mikey fuck off. your just jealous because your relationship with Jeph is ending. And ya know... he's dumbing you cause you wont give it up" he whispered in Mikey's ear so David couldn't hear.
Mikey tried to fight back the tears but the fell anyways. he wiped them away with his sleeve angerily but his glasses still fogged up.
Frank just laughed. Mikey got up and went to his bunk.
"he's such a pain in the ass lately." Frank told David. David was barely listening to him. He was so fixiated on his face. He wanted Frank to kiss him so bad.
"Want to pick a movie?" David got down on the floor and pulled open the drawer that had all of their DVD's in it. "What about Pirates of the caribbean?" Frankie grinned and nodded "cool"
"Johnny Depp is so hot" Gerard squealed from the hall. "Stay in your room Gee!" Frank called back.
"I'm bored Frank come on....." Gerard appeared in the hall and whinned.
"Puleaseeeeeeeee" he begged.
"Ok ok. fine." Frankie gave in. Gerard was always interrupting his dates. he was starting to get used to it now though.
Frank popped in the movie and sat down next to David. Gerard curled up in the arm chair him and ray always sat in. He took out a cigarette and lit up then tossed the pack to Frank. he took one and lit it then handed it to David. then lit one for himself.
David sat there holding the cigarette, looking at it with fear in his eyes. He watched Frank and Gerard.
Gerard inhaled in one deep breath held it a moment then slowly and cooly let it out. A long stream of white smoke came out of his mouth. Frank did it differently he noticed. He'd inhale then let it slip out the corner of his mouth. David thought it was sexy.
He slowly put the cigarette to his mouth and sucked in. His eyes got huge. And he let it back out.
Gerard put his cigarette down in the ash tray and watched David. David took another puff and let it back out. He smiled. {this wasn't so bad} he thought.
his confidence was growing and he started feeling really cool and sexy like Gerard and Frankie.
"David....you aren't even inhaling...." Gerard bit his lip and watched David. David's face fell. "I...I know....I didn't feel like it just then...thats all" Frankie turned to David and watched him a moment. He didn't say anything just started watching the movie again.
About 3 minutes later Gerard spoke.
"See you just did it again, why aren't you inhaling?"
"Leave him alone Gerard, Jesus Christ" Frankie snapped. He tapped the end of his cigarette in the ash tray. the ashes fell in and he put the cigarette back to his lips.
Gerard sank back in his chair and bit his lip. He started to think about Ray. {I wonder what he's doing right now. I wonder if he's thinking about me} he twirled a lock of black hair around his finger thoughtfully. Frank glanced over at him and smiled. He knew he was thinking about Ray, He always did that when he was thinking about Ray.
Frank turned to David and smiled at him. David smiled back nervously. david turned away shyly but Frank continued to grin at him.
Suddenly he put his hand on David's thigh. He rubbed his leg gently. David's blood pressure went sky high and he felt something in his pants start to get hard. {oh no no no no no dont dontt....} he winced to himself. {not now...dont do it now} but it was too late, he was already erect. He just prayed that Frankie wouldn't look down.
Gerard sat in his arm chair watching the two. He grinned at david. He looked so uncomfortable and Gerard noticed his hard on. It was pretty cute he thought.
Frank and Gerard made eye contact and Gerard nodded his head to David. Frank looked confused but Gerard did it again.
Frank looked down to where Gerard's gaze was.
"Excited about something?" Frank asked grinning at David.
"I uh......im.....sorrry" he was 10 shades of red and practically hiding behind a pillow. He set the pillow down in his lap finally to cover his hard on.
"Aw no dont....I like it" Frank said seriously as he moved the pillow. Gerard and Frank both laughed. David wasn't sure if they were laughing at him or at the pillow that was on his lap.
Mikey watched from the hall as Frank and gerard secretly made fun of David. He shook his head and stormed into his room.
He punched in Ray's number and waited.
"MIkey? what's up" Ray sounded like he had a mouth full of something.
"Ray...hows your mom?"
"She's .....she claims to feel ok but I know she's really not"
"Rich stop. I'm eating ok I can feed myself!" Mikey heard ray scream.
"Uh...whats up Mike Mike?"
"I'm kind of upset right now. I just wanted to talk to you"
"what's wrong?" Ray's voice went serious.
"Gerard and Frank......they have this plan it seems like."
"PLAN?"
"Yeah...With David from Simple Plan. you know Frank wants to get in his pants right?"
"Yeah but Frank wants to get in everyone's pants" Ray pointed out.
"Yeah I know but David has feelings for him. He even told me. And they are innocent feelings. he's looking at this like ...like it's turning into a relationship, while Frank is looking at it turning into a great one night stand"
"He's such a dog. Ugh" Ray sounded disgusted.
"I know. And I was about to warn him but Gerard cut me off and filled his head full of all sorts of lies about Frank. Like, did you know he always waits until your ready before he makes a first move?" Mikey said scarcastically.
"Oh God.....Gerard......." his voice started to raise.
"Put him on for a minute Mike."
"Ray....I didnt want this to get you mad..." Mikey protested.
"PUT HIM ON MIKE"
"k"
Mikey ran down the hall and threw his cell at Gerard's head. Gerard ducked and glared at Mikey for throwing it.
"Hello?"
"Gerard, what the fuck are you doing?"
"I'm sitting in our chair ray ray, what the fuck are you doing?" he cooed.
"GERARD....Dont make me count" Ray threatened.
"What are you gonna do Ray? your not even here." Gerard giggled.
"I'll be back tomorrow night Mister"
"MRS"
"FINE WHATEVER"
"Gerard....David is a nice kid. Frank just wants an easy lay. he's totally leading the kid on and your HELPING!" Ray felt his blood pressure rise. But he didn't care. He hated it when Gerard did things like this. "Chill out Ray" gerard said coldly.
sorry it's kinda hard to "chill out" when your mother is dying"
Ray slammed down the phone.
Gerard held the phone a moment listening to the dialing tone. He felt like a dick. He thought about calling ray back and apologizing but he decided not to.
instead he ran down the hall and threw Mikey's phone at his door. "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKIN TATTLE TALE!" he screamed.
Mikey opened the door to gerard's surprise. "IT'S WRONG GERARD!" he held his head high and looked Gerard straight in the eye. Gerard actually backdown a little. "I'm so close to hitting you" Gerard shook with anger.
"HIT ME" Mikey almost grinned. His head remained high and he looked confident for the first time in his life. He was standing up to his brother.
"I said hit me"
"Fuck you" Gerard walked away angerily.
Mikey grinned ear to ear "PUSSY" he shouted after him. Gerard spun around and ran back to the door with clenched fists. Mikey slammed the door fast and locked it. gerard banged on it a few times but knew he wouldn't open it. so eventually he gave up.
When he went back to the living room Frank had his arm wrapped around David and was whispering things in his ear. David was blushing and grinning. Frank started moving his hand up David's thigh slowly. David's eyes got huge.
Gerard decided to let Frank have his fun alone. He went back to his room and shut the door tightly.
"David....what are you thinking right now?" Frank whispered in a sexy tone.
He slowly stared to kiss up his neck and nibble gently. David was in heaven.
"I I....I cant think" David said out of breath
Frank slide closer to David and whispered "have you ever had a blow job?"
David looked frightened for a split second and shook his head no.
"your about to get one" And with that Frank unbuckled David's belt and unzipped his pants. It took everything inside of David to not moan out. {not yet not yet} he kept saying inside his head.
He watched Frankie's every move nervously. Frank pulled it out and examined it carefully. "niceeeeeeee" he cooed.
David blushed and hid behind his shaggy bangs. Frank started to slowly tease him with his tongue before he started sucking. David was moaning now like crazy and before Frankie could even begin to suck him throughly David came. His face was a mixture of shock and fear.
"IM SORRY FRANK"
"why?..." Frank grinned. He wasn't mad. He thought it was cute.
"I I....didnt tell you when I was gonna...."
"I swallow. it's ok babe" he winked and sat back down on the couch. "how was it....all 25 seconds of it"
"uh...wow."
"Speechless huh?" Frank grinned
Frank sat in silence a moment waiting for David to go down on him. But he didnt. "Uh, so....did you wanna return the favour?"
"Ummmmmm sure" David had no idea what to do. He slowly slide of the couch, the way Frankie had and got between Frank's knees. "Um...."
Frankie waited paiently.
David looked innocently back up at Frankie. "Undo my belt...and then unzip my pants. you'll be able to figure it out from there"
His hands were trembling as he did this. Usually Frank would lay back, close his eyes and relax but this was too good to miss. This kid was completely clueless and Frank was getting a kick out of it.
Frankie waited, but David did nothing after he unzipped his pants. "what are you thinking about david?"
Frank rubbed his head gently. "I dont know what im doing...."
Frank smiled and gently pushed his head down just a little. "oh you want me to....."
"yeah" Frank nodded
But his head popped back up again. "Um....I dont know how"
Frankie was trying to remain calm. but his patients were wearing thin.
"David...just suck it. it will be fine. I know it's your first time"
After 5 more minutes of hesitation he finally started sucking. 3 seconds later he stopped. Frankie grabbed his dick and started stroking it himself. he was losing his erection. and his patients were long gone.
"Are you mad?" David got back up on the couch. "NOPE" Frank said through clenched teeth.
He continued to jerk himself off while David watched in fascination. "I do it different..." he told frank.
"yeah? how? show me david"
David carefully took Frank in his hand and started jerking him off. this wasn't exactly what frank wanted but it was way better then nothing.
After awhile Frank got up and took David by the arm and led him into his bunk. "Wanna lay down with me?"
".....uh....sure"
While David was crawling in Frankie turned around to Gerard and mouth "SCORE" to him. Gerard grinned a sly grin and gave Frank a thumbs up.
Mikey called Ray again that night.
"Hello?"
"Ray.."
"Hi Mikey. whats up?"
"what are you doing ray?" Mikey sat on his bed biting his nails.
"Getting ready to go to bed. how about you?"
"I'm.....sitting on my bed"
"cool mike. so whats up?"
"nothing's whats up with you??"
"I'm getting ready for bed.........."
"Oh cool."
"Mikey why did you call?"
"I don't know. you dont wanna talk to me its ok" Mikey was about to hang up.
"NO thats not it at all. I love talkin to ya. come on man."
"I guess I just called to check on your mom."
"She's doing the same as before ...."
"ohhh.....sorry"
"not your fault mike."
"when are you coming back???"
"My mom wants me to fly back for the next to shows then I'll fly back in a week" Ray shoved a slice of peanut butter toast down his throat.
"Ohhh. Good. cause it sucks here right now. everyone sucks"
"Frankie went down on David and now he's got him in his bunk. Him and Gerard are all giving each other high fives and stuff"
"Well, Gerard is in a shit load of trouble when I get back tomorrow. so dont worry about it ok?"
"K"
"Night Mikey"
" Night ray"
Mikey shut his phone off then felt a sharp pain in his head. He had been hit. He looked up and saw Gerard standing there angerily. "WHAT did you just tell my boyfriend?!"
"nothing" mikey lied.
"dont hit me"
he rubbed his head where Gerard had hurt him.
"Lets talk about the other night gee"
"what about it" Gerard snapped.
"you took Coke didnt you? your still taking it......thats why your being like this. your never this mean to me. well.....not usually" Mikey rolled his eyes.
"ITS NOT YOUR BUSINESS WHAT IM TAKING MIKEY!!" Gerard smacked him in the head again. this time knocking off his glasses. Gerard grabbed the glasses off the floor before Mikey could.
Mikey got up and started to feel his way around the room. He was completely blind without them. Gerard just laughed and held them inches away from his reach.
Suddenly Bob busted in the room. He grabbed the glasses from Gerard and handed them to Mikey. Gerard's eyes got wide and he started to quickly walk out the door but Bob blocked the door way with his two arms.
"WHAT N' THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GERARD?!?! WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON YOUR BROTHER?!?!" He pushed Gerard against the wall roughly and got inches from his face. Gerard could smell hostess cupcakes on his breath. "If I catch you doing this again Gerard your gonna be sorry. got it?"
Gerard nodded.
Bob roughly let go of Gerard, took mikey by the hand and led him back out to the living room. "It's alright Michael." he stroked his hair. "He's just moody thats all"
Meanwhile, Frankie was half laying ontop of David in his bunk. He began kissing up his bare chest as he caressed his cock with his left hand. David was moaning and begging Frank not to stop.
"Do you want to?" Frank asked David. He was panting for air. "I....I guess."
Frank knew he was scared. So he gently kissed him on the lips. "I'll be so gentle" he whispered in his ear. Goosebumps came creeping up David's arms when he heard frankie pulling
off his belt. He watched as he pants came next. He paused and kissed David on the forehead. He then removed David's belt, again, with his teeth and slipped his boxers off with skill.
This was all happening so fast for david. He barely had time to realize what was happening.
"I'm gonna take you on your stomach ok??" Frank whispered as he gently rolled David over on his stomach. "Relax babe. just relax"
David felt something cold. He figured it was lube. Then he felt one of Frankie's fingers slowly enter him. He tensed up at first from the pain. But Frankie rubbed his back gently and he eventually relaxed. "that a boy" Frank cooed.
moments later David felt frank positioned ontop of him. And soon he felt pain surge through his body. He grabbed franks pillow and bit down into it to Muffle his cries. It hurt. And he was way past tears.
"It's ok...it's ok" He kept hearing frankie's words ring through his head. he knew it really wasn't okay. " It hurrrrrts" David barely got the words out of his mouth. He was crying too much.
"Do you want me to stop? I'll be really disappointed.... but if its what you want...." Frank said annoyed.
David burried his face in Franks pillow and nodded his head no. He didn't want Frankie to be disappointed in him. He wanted him to be proud.
Frank continued to thrust in and out of david for another 10 minutes before he finally came. Frank got off David and laid down next to him. He rubbed his back soothingly. "you did good kid...."
David wiped the tears from his eyes. He didn't want frank to see him like this. "Are you ok David?"
"....y...yesss"
"You should probably get back to your bus. it's late" Frank got up off the bed. David looked confused. "but i thought....."
"Thought what?" frank asked
"you dont want me to ....stay the night with you?"
Frankie smiled down at him. he looked so cute, so innocent, all sweaty laying in his bed. His black hair was matted down to his face.
"Sure I want you to stay"
David's eyes lit up and he settled back down in Frank's bed. He snuggled up to Frank and held the man who had just taken his virginity from him. Frank layed awake awhile watching David. {Fuck, this kid has it bad for me} he thought.
The next morning Ray had arrived in Dallas, where they would be preforming that night. He hopped in a cab. He had decided not to call Gerard for a ride again. The cab driver dropped him off at the arena in Dallas, he walked across the street where all the buses were parked.
He walked in the bus and looked around. It was quiet except for the quiet humming of Mikey's fish tank. He walked into Gerard's room, but he wasn't there. his bed was made neatly, of course. He heard someone rummaging around in the bathroom. He knocked on the door. "Who's in there. i'm back"
"Ray Ray??" Moments later Gerard pulled the door open. He stood there a moment with a smile on his face. He had expected a hug from Ray...but he wasn't exactly getting one. "Hi baby" Gerard hugged him after a moment of awkward silence.
Ray hugged back but then pulled away. "We need to talk"
his voice was serious and actually quite manly. "I'm putting on my eyeliner though....." Gerard held up the black eyeliner for Ray to see. Ray took it from his hand and set it on the counter. "that can wait Gerard" he took him by the hand and let him to his room.
"What's wrong Ray Ray?"
"Think long and hard Gerard" Ray said scarcastically. Gerard sat on Ray's bed with his hands folded in his lap. Ray stood above him with his arms crossed.
"Ummmmmm your mad cause of what i said on the phone last night?"
"Besides that Gerard" Ray's voice was rising and Gerard didn't like it one bit.
"DONT yell at me" he hissed. He got up and started to walk out of Ray's room when Ray grabbed his arm and screamed "SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN!" Gerard started to puff up like a penguin. Tears formed in his eyes as he made his way back to Ray's bed. He sat back down and let the tears fall. He knew he was in trouble. And he hated Ray being upset with him.
"What is this I hear about you and Frank teasing David? You incouraging Frank to take advantage of him??? you even fed him bullshit lies about Frank so he could get in his pants" Ray looked away disgusted.
Gerard sat there biting his lip and crying. "Sorry"
"Oh fuck that gerard, you are not!" Ray suddenly hit the wall hard. "SHIT!" he screamed. "Why do you do this shit?!" he hit it again this time harder.
Gerard curled up in a ball and cried harder. Ray stood there a moment letting the anger fade. he sat down on the bed next to Gerard and pulled him onto his lap. "Im sorry I did that Gee" Gerard cried on his shoulder. "Shhhhhhhh it's alright Gee."
Ray comforted Gerard awhile longer. "this doesn't mean your off the hook" Ray said sternly.
"What's gonna happen?" Gee asked
"I don't know Gerard.......But I'm extremely disappointed. I'm thinking about calling your mom." Gerard shot up. "NO DONT!"
"fine I wont.." Ray knew he was a pushover. But he also knew how Gerard's mom could be. She was scary as hell when she was mad.
Mikey came busting in and ran into Ray's arms. "RAY IM SO GLAD YOUR BACK" Ray, a little taken back hugged Mikey. "glad to see you too mikey"
Gerard rolled his eyes.
"I saw that mister" Ray warned.
"MRS" Gee hissed under his breath.
"is Gerard in trouble" Mikey taunted.
"YES HE IS"
Gerard stuck his tongue out at Mikey.
"Gerard......."
"Ray I wanna talk you, privately"
He pulled Ray by the arm into his own room and locked the door behind him. "Ray I have it all on tape"
Ray's eyes widdened. "WHAT you video taped everything?"
"I created this tiny video tape. it's about the size of an egg and it's in a oval shape. all you do is pop this little baby into the computer and you'll see everything" Mikey adjusted his glasses.
Ray plugged the tiny device into Mikey's computer and turned it on.
Moment's later he saw Frankie hand David a ciagarette. Ray watched in silence. he saw Gerard and Frankie snickering to each other. Suddenly it skipped to frankie's bunk.
"Oh God he DIDNT" Ray watched with his mouth hanging open.
"HE DIDNT EVEN USE A CONDOM??! Everyone knows Frankie has STDS!!!" Ray barked.
Mikey skipped to the part where David was bawling and Frankie just kept plowing into him with avengance. "I DONT EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE THIS?!"
"Listen to this part" Mikey said excitedly.
""Do you want me to stop? I'll be really disappointed.... but if its what you want...." Ray's fists were clenching. He even heard gerards voice in the background. "Ohhhhhh harder frankie!" then he heard gerard laughing. Frank was grinning from ear to ear.
he shut off the tape. "WHERE IS FRANK?"
"I dont know...I think he's in the arena right now"
"I'll be back" Ray stormed out the door and walked down to the arena to find frank.
"How much trouble are you in Gerard?" Mikey asked him with a slight grin.
"fuck you mike. Im NOT in trouble. I have ray wrapped around my little finger" Mikey just grinned even harder. "I always out smart you Gee"
He walked out of the room carrying his strange egg.
"Wait Mikey, what are you talking about?!" Gerard ran after Mikey but Mikey was already in his room with the door locked.
Gerard had a sick feeling in his gut but he wasn't really sure why.
Ray gave up looking for Frankie and dialed his number. "What?"
"Where are you?"
"Oh hey you, I'm with Pete, were down signing some autographics."
Ray hung up and made his way to the pit.
He spotted Frankie taking pictures with two younger MCR fans. There was Pete and DAVID with him. David was sitting on the grass watching every move that Frankie made.
"Frankie wanna go get something to eat with me?" He asked eagerly.
"Im busy"
"I'll pay...." he tried again.
"you can go get me something if you want." Frankie told him. He pulled Pete into a playful hug and they pretended to dance around. David looked down at his feet. He made his way to the vendors to get some food for Frankie.
"Hey Ray whats up?" Frank asked. His smile faded when he saw the look on Ray's face.
"whats wrong?"
Ray turned to Pete "Give us a sec" Pete nodded and walked off to catch up with david.
Ray turned back to Frank. "Your a JERK"
"what?"
"a low down, mother fucking, son of a bitch!" he screamed.
Frankie backed away slowly. "I SAW IT ALL FRANKIE!! BET YA DIDNT KNOW MIKEY VIDEO TAPED YOU?!!!!" Frankie's eyes shot up.
"WHAT?!"
"YEAH, HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THAT? YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT KID!!! HE FUCKIN WORSHIPS U! AND YOU DONT EVEN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HIM!!!"
he shoved Frankie in frusteration. Frank ran back at Ray and shoved him. Ray held his hand up and blocked him easily. He grabbed Frank with one hand to hold him sturdy and backhanded him across the face with the other.
Frankie looked up at Ray with shocked eyes. His eyes were watering and he was wiping blood from his nose. Ray smacked him again. "FUCK U"
"can i get your autograph ray??" A girl came up screaming and giggling.
"yeah no problem." he smiled warmly at the little girl and signed the autograph. He then turned around and smacked Frank again. "Can I get your autograph Frankie??!?!?!" she squealed. Frank slowly crawled to his feet, he had a black eye and had blood dripping from his mouth. "YES HE WILL" ray said smiling. He thrusted a pen into Frank's hand. He pushed Frank over to her. Frank slowly took the paper and signed it. "Can I get a picture too???" She grinned up at frankie.
"SURE YA CAN SWEETIE!!!" Ray took the camera from her and pushed Frank down on his feet at her level. "SMILE FRANK!!!" he screamed.
Frank made a weak attempt at a smile and Ray clicked the picture.
The girl ran off happily and Ray grabbed Frank to his feet. "wasn't that fun now?" he said with a smile.
"What the fuck?!" Pete came rushing over. "WHAT HAPPEND?!?!"
Ray pointed to the little girl in the sundress. "See that little girl over there pete?"
"Yeah" he looked over to where Ray was pointing.
"Dont fuck with her" he shook his head in disapproval.
"WHOAAAAAAAAAAAA FRank.........you got beat up by a 7 year old little girl?!"
Frank looked up at Ray with pleading eyes. Ray just shook his head no.
"yes" frank moaned weakly.
Pete ran off giggling. Frank knew he was going to spread the word.
Ray grabbed Frank by the back of his shirt and practically drug him all the way back to the bus.
Mikey was grinning from ear to ear when he saw the condition Frank was in. Bob immediently rushed to get ice. "WHAT HAPPENED?!?" Bob came back with ice. He held Franks face in his hands examining his wounds.
"Ray" he whispered weakly.
"RAY?! What the fuck did you do?!" Bob barked.
Ray then explained the whole situation to Bob. Bob nodded his head but it was clear that he was outraged. "nice work Ray"
"I probably wouldn't have hit him like that though" bob said.
"id just give him the ol' back hand" Bob roughly pushed the ice down on Frank's face. "Owwww"
"Stop bitching and hold still!" bob barked.
Gerard came out to see what all the commotion was. Ray looked up at him with disappointment in his eyes. Gerard started to puff up again.
"Dont even" Ray warned.
Gerard stuck out his lip and bit down to stop from crying.
Mikey giggled.
"wanna see something?" Mikey made his way over to Ray with his tiny egg.
Suddenly Gerard pounced on him and wrestled him down to the ground. He grabbed the egg and started to throw it in the garbage disposal but Ray grabbed his hand.
"GIVE ME THAT!" Gerard tried to pull out of Ray's grasp but Ray was too strong.
"SIT"
Gerard sat and pouted occasionally mouthing "I hate you mikey" across the room.
Ray went in to mikey's room and popped the egg into the computer. "I have Ray wrapped around my little finger"
Ray came back out and handed the egg back to Mikey. "Gerard? Let's go have a chat"
Gerard's eyes got wide. He knew that "having a chat" never really ment having a chat. It was always something bad.
He slowly got up off the couch and made his way to Ray's room with heavy legs.
"SIT"
Gerard sat.
"Say right now what you said on Mikey's video camera" Ray demanded.
"but ray..."
"SAY IT"
Gerard took a deep breath.
"I said... I have you wrapped around my little finger" Gerard said slightly wincing. And wincing was the right reaction because Ray slapped him hard across the face. Gerard slowly turned his to Ray. He head tears streaming down his cheeks. and his face was bright red.
"IM SOOOOORRRRRY" he moaned.
"IS THAT HOW YOU THINK OF ME GERARD?!?!" Gerard didn't answer but kept crying. Ray grabbed him and shook him "IS IT?!"
"nooooooo nooo ray" he wailed.
Ray raised his hand to slap Gerard again but Bob grabbed his hand. "Ray... come on. Let's go talk"
Ray slapped gerard anyways then dropped him and walked out with bob.
Gerard curled up in a ball and cried his eyes out.
Mikey walked in Gerard's room. He stood there a moment and watched him. His heart sank. "Gerard....I'm so sorry....I didnt know....." he began. Gerard just reached his arm out weakly for mikey. Mikey went to him and hugged him. He rocked back and forth with him for awhile so he'd calm down. "I'm sorry Gee...I really am." Mikey was crying too. His glasses were misty.
"no im sorry mikey. you were right. im just a big follower. not a leader like you." Mikey was so proud at that moment.
"Ray... I know your angry...but you should never hit a lady" bob shook his head.
"Gerard is a man and I didnt hit him! I slapped him! do you see him bleeding???! NO!" ray screamed.
"Dont you raise your voice at me!" bob barked. Ray sat down and shut up.
"I know I shouldn't have smacked him. and I was too harsh on Frank...but God damn it....everyone fucked up bad while I was away"
Bob sighed. "I should have been here more. It's just...I love spending time with M, whenever I have her here you guys give her shit"
Ray nodded. "yeah. a lot of things need to change around here" he agreed.
Ray got up and walked into Frankie's room. Frank was laying on his bed with a towel full of ice on his face. Ray sat down. "NOOO DONT IM SORRRY!" Frank started to scream.
"Frank it's ok. I'm here to say sorry for hitting you so hard....hitting isnt the answer" he shook his head. {if only his father would have known that.} Ray felt he got most of his rage from his father, he was after all very abusive. But nobody knew this. Ray had kept it a secret for a long time. The only one who knew was Rich. His mother was always gone when it happend. He didn't have the heart to tell her.
Ray pulled Frank close to him and held him. "I love you man"
"I sorta love you ..." Frank moaned. Ray cracked a smile. "Tell me what you were thinking Frank...."
"I'm lonely I guess.....I like sex for different reasons then you do. I like the affection because I NEED it. I never got it as a kid. My parents were never there. I like having people close to me. I like being needed. I like this...right here...I like feeling important" Ray hugged him closer. He knew Frankie had lots of problems. And drugs was one of them.
"I know I took advantage.....but i do like him Ray. At first I just wanted to fuck him. but now....after all thats happend.... and after we had sex...he....he wanted to stay with me. nobody ever wants to stay with me after" his eyes were filled with tears.
"even quinn leaves me after. Im not good enough to stay with"
"DONT YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!" Ray scolded. "you ARE good enough."
"it's gonna be ok Frank." he rubbed frankie's back gently.
Gerard was still hiding in his room. Mikey had gone over to the used bus for awhile. And Bob went to get something to eat.
Ray went to his room and laid down on his bed. He started having flashbacks of his father. His family was very poor when he was growing up and his mother worked three jobs. His father would be home when he got home from school. He hated his job and he hated life pretty much. So he took it out on Ray. He Drank and then he'd go looking for his youngest.
He would get furious when Ray couldn't live up to Richard. To his father, he was never good enough. it was just recently that his father had ever told him he was proud of him. He was so awful to him when he was younger. And now he was sappy sweet nice, trying to make up for lost time.
And all that it's done is hurt Ray more.
Suddenly there was a knock at his door. Gerard peeked his head in. His eyes were all red and he looked about ready to cry again.
"Come sit with me" Ray patted his bed. Gerard crawled up next to ray, he was wearing his misfits and his hair was really messy.
"I'm sorry that I smacked you Geee. It was wrong of me...I shouldn't have" Gerard hugged Ray tight "it's ok. I was wrong"
"NO I WAS WRONG!" ray shouted. "HITTING IS WRONG!" he screamed. he was shaking now, like he used to when he was little and he knew his dad was coming after him.
"Ray ray.....your shaking..." Gerard grabbed a blanket and pulled it over the two of them. Ray was crying now.
"What??? Ray???"
"I.....My dad......"
"what about your dad?"
Ray took a deep breath. "my dad use to beat me gerard" the words stung his mouth. but they felt good finally getting out in the open.
"WHAT?" gerard looked confused.
"how, why and WHEN?"
"he would drink...and then yell at me. he'd tell me i'm never going to AMOUNT to anything and that always fucked up..then he would.....grab me, throw me agasin't the wall, he would hit me and hit me till my face was covered in blood, he would kick me in the sides till i was black and blue with bruises....Then he told me that if ever told anybody about this that he would killed in my sleep." Ray now had tears down his face. "That's why i had all thoese brusies at school....i just told people i got them from you and the other bullies that picked on me....My mom belilved it.....and that's when i told myself...that i was worthless, i had no friends, i was freak with frizzy red hair and a stutter, who was poor and would never do anything imporant with my life..i would end up a drunk like my dad...and i let people use me over and over again! Like i wasn't even human just a loser who never would amount to anything"
Gerard was crying and holding ray close. this was painful for him to hear his baby had been beat so badly by his own father.
"ANd then I would beat you up after school all the time!" Gerard was bawling into ray shoulder. "IM SO SORRY RAY RAY. OH GOD!! I hate myself!!!"
Ray patted Gerard's back soothingly. "you didnt know Gee..."
"I'm so sorry"
Gerard felt like he couldn't appologize enough.
"Were you scared?"
"Yeah."
"Ohhhhhhhhhh Ray Ray! I'm here. Don't ever be scared again. I'll protect you" he held Ray close to him. Ray smiled gently at Gerard. "that's sweet Gee"
Ray kissed him gently on the lips. "does your cheek still hurt Gee?"
Gee wrinkled his nose and grinned. "no"
Ray playfully turned him over on his stomach and spanked him. "Does your cheek hurt now?!" he giggled
"Ray Rayyyyyy dont!" Gee giggled.
"I miss spanking you gee" Ray pulled him close to him and Gerard leaned his head on Ray's bare chest.
"I miss it too"
"Can we have makeup sex tonight?" Gerard asked
"Oh I dont know......I'm kinda busy polishing my rock collection" Ray said in his nerdiest voice.
"Rocks are cool!" Mikey screamed as he walked by the door. they both busted out laughing.
"Yeah we can Gee. After dinner"
"YAY!!" Gerard giggled and clapped his hands with delight. Mikey made tuna and pea cassarole for dinner. It was awful...but Bob wasn't there to cook so the guys choked down as much as they could. "It's g
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titandebater's journal
distressed
confused
hot
crushed